The Curse of the Overcooked Steak
The story you are about to read is 100% legit, I said so because I said so, fuck you. My name is Nunya Bissniss. I am just your average 0.10239024202012 year old school girl who is obsessed with Hell's Kitchen. My only goal in life is to make it on Hell's Kitchen. To achieve this goal, I have prayed to the almighty god known as Gordon Ramsay every night, hoping that he will one day hear my pleads. Everyone at my high school has called me a crazy ass bitch because of it, but I don't care. I know that Gordon will come to me soon, and then I'll prove them all wrong. One night, I was sitting in my room, praying to my lord and savior as usual, when all of a sudden my sister barged into my room with a pissed off look on her face. "Nunya, what the fuck do you think you're doing?!" I heard her yell at me. "Go away! Can't you see I'm trying to concentrate?" "Concentrate on what? Being absolutely delusional?" I gritted my teeth in frustration, "I am not delusional, you asshat!" I then proceeded to throw my rubber dildo at her face. I probably shouldn't've done that, because that just made her even more pissed off than before. I watched in horror as she walked over to my Hell's Kitchen DVD collection and stepped all over them with her Bigfoot feet. My heart sank all the way to my ass, and I cried tears. It took me approximately 69 years to get the full set of that glorious television show, and now all that hard work has been wasted. "It's time for you to get a reality check," she stated as she grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the door. However, she let go of me when she noticed that I had begun to glow a bright gold. I felt my soul within me resonate with a powerful desire for Hell's Kitchen. It was then I felt the presence of Gordon Ramsay behind me. "No, I think it's time for YOU to get a reality check," the almighty Gordon proclaimed. My sister gasped a shocked gasp and got killed by the shock. "Dammit, Gordon, you didn't have to scare my sister like that!" I scolded him. "Oops, sorry fam." He apologized. Holy shit, he had finally came to me. I was internally screaming inside. Alas, that internal screaming ended when I took a moment to analyze Gordon Ramsay's appearance. For some reason, he was wearing a Peter Pan outfit. To be honest, he looked fucking stupid wearing it, but I didn't care. He IS my lord and savior, after all. "So... you've heard my pleads, right?" I asked my god. "Well duh, dumbass, why else would I be here right now?" My heart was going doki doki, even though it was stuck inside of my ass. "Now, come with me, we have some business to attend to." He grabbed my arm, which caused me to have a Vietnam flashback that Jinx would be proud of. Gordon quickly released it and instead took hold of my leg. We flew out the window and towards the set of Hell's Kitchen. When we were at the set, my heart was at maximum percentage of doki doki. At long last, my dream had come true. I looked around my surroundings, and saw a bunch of contestants standing in the far end corner. They looked like a bunch of filthy casuals. I strolled my way to them and stood in front of them with my hands on my love handles. I was ready for the task that the almighty Gordon Ramsay was about to bestow upon me. Gordon came to us while carrying a podium and slammed that son of a bitch to the ground. He then adjusted the mic so that it was about 0.10239024202012 inches away from his greasy chapped lips, which was spoopy because that number is the same number as my age. He began to speak. "LEL hi guys whalecum to Hell's Kitchen, itsa me, Gordon Ramsay, and this ain't no ordinary Hell's Kitchen, it's a special kind of Hell's Kitchen." I didn't think my heart could go past the maximum amount of doki dokiness, but I was proven wrong. I was not only on Hell's Kitchen, but I was only SPECIAL EDITION of Hell's Kitchen. FUCK YEH "K, so liek, you guys are gonna be cooking some steak today. BUT NOT JUST ANY KIND OF STEAK! You see, I've decided to take the name of my show literally, and have retrieved a steak from the very depths of Hell itself!" Everyone in the room gasped a mighty gasp. "k, u can go cook it now, but whatever you do, DON'T OVERCOOK IT! kthnxbai." He then disappeared into thin air. I ran to the steak and picked it up MLG style, then went over to the stove and shoved the damn thing inside of it. It was at that moment when I had a sudden thought, "Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I overcooked the steak," I thotted. I turnt up the heat, and waited for the steak to be overcooked. Little did I know, this would be the worst mistake that I will ever commit. When the steak was done overcooking, I took it out and waited even longer for Gordon Ramsay to come back. Gordon Ramsay returned at last, and took a long and hard look at the steak. "OK, which one of you bloody twats overcooked this steak?" I felt guilty for what I had done, but I couldn't lie to my lord and savior, so I told him the truth. "I-I'm sorry, m'lord, I let curiosity get the best of me." Gordon stood there for about 1337.420 nanoseconds, until he finally screamed, "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE?!! YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL!" I was confused for a moment, until I looked at the steak. Oh shit. The steak was bleeding red blood, and it looked extremely hyper-realistic. A dark red anal aura formed around the steak, and a face began to form on it. It was the face of... SATAN! "MUAHAHAHAHA! YOU FOOL! YOU HAVE ALLOWED ME TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE MORTAL WORLD, AND NOW, I SHALL CURSE YOU ALL! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Satan struck Gordon Ramsay first with the curse, and Gordon Ramsay fell to the floor, slowly dying. I ran to my god's aid as he was coughing up immense amounts of hyper-realistic blood, his eyes wearily locked with mine. At first, he couldn't make out words, but then, after awhile, he choked, "When... when will you learn... when will you learn... that your actions... have... consequen-" Gordon was now dead. I stared down in disbelief at my lord and savior's corpse, not noticing that I was crying tears that I've never cried before. I looked at Satan angrily with angry anger. "You..." I began. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! GORDON IS NOW DEAD! TIME FOR YOU TO DIE, TOO! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!" I felt my soul resonate again, but this time I felt extreme edginess within me. There was a presence behind me. I looked behind me. Shadow the Hedgehog. "Don't worry, my edgelord in training. I shall help you avenge your fallen comrade." I gave him a firm nod and we both pulled out an infinite amount of knives and flung them at Satan. Little did we know, we were about to get rekt. Satan fucking eradicated our assholes with steak grease and we were transported to another dimension. — I woke up later in a strange dark room. My asshole hurt like hell, but at least my heart was back in my chest. I noticed that I was sitting on something so I got up and took a look at it. It was Shadow. But he was kill. I took a minute pressing z to pay my respects. After I had finished, I tried to think of a way to get out of the dark room. But then, I heard voices speaking in my head. "no hope..." "suffer... suffer..." "you... are... nothing..." I started crying tears uncontrollably. When the walls started oozing blood I went into the fetal position. This went on for what had seemed like hours until I heard a very loud POOF sound. I got out of the fetal position and noticed that there was a door right in front of me. I quickly got up and opened it, quickly regretting my choice. Inside, there were skeleton penises floating everywhere. The skeleton penises noticed me and started shooting hyper-realistic jizz all over the place. I slowly closed the door and snapped my neck, thus killing myself. However, I wasn't truly dead. For I awoke a couple of years later out of that dimension and back in my world. Everyone was dead. The earth was severed into 21 pieces. I was in total disbelief. But then, I heard a voice call out to me. I recognized that voice anywhere. "SATAN! IT'S TIME TO END THIS!" It was Gordon Ramsay. He... He wasn't dead after all?! But wait... why did he call me Satan? I looked down at my body, my body was an overcooked steak. Oh fuck. I was Satan the whole time. "G-Gordon, I..." I began, but he cut me off. "I SHALL AVENGE NUNYA!!! HIYYAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Gordon shooted me in da head, and I was deathed. But, the scariest part about all this... ... Is that I actually wasted hours of my life writing this shit. 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